The 10 things I hate most on Social Media

The list was MUCH longer, so I had to prune it to the absolutely despicable ones.

1. Selfie Nuts
It does not matter if they are meeting the Pope, Barack Obama or the building janitor, no opportunity is too small not to deserve a selfie, as if to say “See? I was REALLY there!”

2. The hash abuser
One thinks s/he does not know how to write a noun without the sharp sign (because that’s what it is, a musical notation which increases a note by a half tone). A bit like grandma trying to use kids’ slang: sad, borderline creepy.

3. The foodie
From egg benedict to a six course meal, foodies MUST show you what they’re having for breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and midnight snacks. And they must add the lamest of comments: “Yummy”, “Delicious”, “”Most excellent” because they would never eat anything that’s average quality.

4. The Poser
This obnoxious individual not only publishes only selfies, but they are also always in the same pose. When they distributed authenticity,  the Poser was taking a leak, probably.

5. The Influencer
The influencer influences, right? And s/he wants you not to forget how influential s/he is by constantly addressing his audience and prodding them with questions and controversial statements to drum up the engagement stats.

6. The Competitive
Obsessed by rankings, # of followers or friends, Klout score and other similarly worthless measurements, the Competitive spends inordinate amounts of time in the onanistic pursuit of perfect understanding of how the algos work.

7. The Converser
He believes in dialogue. No matter what and no matter with whom. He is the guy with the automatic “Thank You” message on Twitter asking you to also connect on Facebook or Linkedin. Female conversers are most likely prostitutes.

8. The Anatomist
This is a variation of the Selfie Nut, because s/he is obsessed with a specific bodily part: it could be feet, biceps, lips, tattoos they so like themselves they want the world to know.

9. The List Maniac
Any concept can be turned in a list of bullets, right? Simple schemes from a simple mind…

10. The Curmudgeon
Always something to complain about

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