I feel I have observed Twitter long enough to describe the characters I find the most obnoxious – most of these can also be spotted on Facebook and in your local bar, but I find that on Twitter their obnoxiousness manifests in all its splendour.
You might argue, well, just unfollow them; except this would deprive me of the opportunity for a perfectly grumpy post like this. So, ranking them from the “merely annoying” to the “I wish I had a truckload of manure to dump on your new convertible”, here’s my list:
- The Aphorismer – if only Oscar Wilde had Twitter ! Some of this person inside jokes are so inside that only s/he gets them
- The Hired gun – will only tweet about his/her clients; probably prints his tweets and adds them to a clipping book
- The Party animal – “hey, I’m <on a train to Paris / in Oslo / in Trafalgar Square / taking a dump>, anyone wanna join ?”
- The Serial retweeter – if this guy’s mind blossomed a single original thought, he’s probably curl up in a corner and die, like some exotic flowers.
and truck of manure goes to…
- the Oh-my-God-look-how-busy-I-am executive. Must tell you AT ALL TIMES where he is, who he’s meeting, how little sleep he got. A modern version of what my irish boss Jim called the “seagull manager”: flies in, craps all over everything, yells at everybody and flies out
Anyone care to add more ?